To Be Or Not To Be...

Do you ever wonder if a friendship is meant to be? You actually try to go out of your way to be nice to someone, or help someone, only to be continually pushed away. That's where I am right now...and quite honestly, I don't know what to do about it. Part of me feels like I should just back off, maybe even let it go. And the other part of me feels like I should continue to try to make things better. I feel like a loser. I really don't have that many "close" friends. I have four children and a full time job, no one wants to hang out with me. I don't really like the bar scene anymore and by the time I get home from work, I'm soooo tired that the thought of gabbing on the phone with anyone for longer than 2 minutes does not sound very appealing to me. But I want friends! I want friends who WANT me as a friend.

This sucks.

I'll Give It A Try

I've been reading Beth's blog for about four months now. She has inspired me in ways I never knew existed. She has been dealing with a tremendous tragedy, and somehow finds the strength to continue on each day. Her blog helps others, whether she realizes it or not. Beth has taught me to cherish life and never take anything for granted.

So I decided about two months ago that maybe I could start a blog. I love to write. I set up my page and then nothing. I would sit down to type out all of these wonderful thoughts that were racing through my head, and then just backspace through everything on the screen. Nothing sounded right. It sounded great in my head, but on screen it sounded blah. But then I realized, it does not have to sound right. It's a blog. It's my thoughts and my feelings that I want to share. Whether anyone will actually want to read them or not is a different story.

I'm a very family oriented person. I have four children: Kayla is 13, Zack is 11, Madison is 3, and Livia is 8 months. My husband Chris works for Amtrak and also has a construction business on the side. My family means the world to me. I'm luck to live so close to my parents and my sister. My brother is in his 3rd year of college at Indianapolis University. I work a full time job, along with my other full time job of taking care of four kids and a house. I recently graduated from Indiana Wesleyan University with a degree in business management. It is quite obvious that I am the kind of person who has to have a ton of things to do. I rarely can sit around for very long without finding something that NEEDS to be done. My mind usually races faster than my body and it is sometimes difficult to keep up with.

So there is the beginning. Hopefully there will be more to come, and I promise to make them more interesting.